Script revisions

So we did a group meeting. And I can officially say I'm sick of being talked over about my own movie. There's a lot of stuff I could like rant on about cause I'm that kind of person but instead let's talk about the actually productive part!

Uh so basically I cut down my script to make it shorter. Do I think it's too short now? Yea, kinda but like oh well. I cut out the mom scenes (tears, tears), and the short little montage. I think to make up for it I'm going to spend more time in the forest world having her explore it. I'll also probably still film to mom scenes just in case I end up having time for them (particularly the second scene). I made the revisions to my script already so I'm going to post it here.

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THE NIGHTMARE

Black. Beat. The sound of scene panting slowly fills the screen. Sharp cut to a POV shot of someone running, the sounds of the woods around them filling overwhelmingly. There are heavy, plodding footstep in the background, something chasing them.

OCTAVIA

Why am I running?

(VO)

The feet trip over a branch and fall. The ground rushes up, a flash of gold.

Cut to MS-EL of Octavia sitting up in bed, panting. WS-EL/LA of Octavia sitting up in bed, shoulder rising up and down. She tilts their head back and fall back into the bed. Title card starts from WS-EL. The Golden Crown. The main song (Drain Me - Bad Moves) starts playing like boom.

THE BATHROOM

Octavia walks into the bathroom, MS-EL of her staring in the mirror, dark circles under her eye. She grabs her toothbrush and starts brushing, leaning back against the wall and observing herself.

OCTAVIA

Why do I like it?

She groans and spits out the toothpaste before stepping out of the room. Music cuts out

THE FRIEND

Octavia gazes off CS-EL, everything is kind of quiet, slowly you can hear someone calling Octavia's name. Her head whips back. CU to friend, looking worried.

FRIEND

Are you ok? I've been calling your name for like 10 minutes

OCTAVIA

Huh? Yea I'm fine

MS-EL, friend picks up her stuff and moves over to sit next to OCtavia, TS-MS-EL

FRIEND

You've been weird lately. Not talking, dozing off. It's like, idk, you're fading away.

Octavia bites her lip and looks down, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

OCTAVIA

I had the dream again

The friend offers her a sad smile

FRIEND

Still messing with you?

OCTAVIA

Yea, I don't know, I kinda like it. It's better than

Hand wave

All of this

FRIEND

What do you mean?

Octavia shrugs, looking away

OCTAVIA

Life. There's no fun. No adrenaline

No adventure

FRIEND

Huh

Silence. Phone rings

FRIEND

Shit, its my mum, I have to go.

She gathers her stuff

I'll see you tomorrow, yea? Don't give up yet. You'll find an adventure.

She stands up, turns away, hesitates, then turns back, bending over and kissing Octavia's head, making Octavia smile. Friend leaves and Octavia looks down, smiling.

Montage of her in different wacky positions. Eventually, her phone rings and she stands up to go, slinging her bag over her should. She hears something drop and turns around slowly, seeing a ring on the floor

THE RING

Octavia approaches it cautiously, crouching down to pick it up. She studies it for a second, then looks around but sees no one. Shrugging, she stand up and slips the ring (MS/CU-HA)

Cut to Octavia in a forest. She's still looking down at the ring, moving it back and forth

OCTAVIA

Huh.

(beat)

It's kind of loose.

Her eyes widen and she slowly looks up and around the camera following her gaze in a circle.

OCTAVIA

W-what?

She looks down at the ring, then looks up to see a crown on a rock in front of her. She looks down in a trance and takes the ring off

Cut. She's back in the school hallway, phone ringing. She gasps and drops the ring on the floor.

OCTAVIA

O-oh my god

suddenly a smile lights up on her face

Oh my god!

She grabs the ring, shoving it in her pocket and running down the hall.

Cut

THE SECOND EXPLORATION

Octavia sits on her bed, MS-LA, looking at the ring.She thinks for a second, then reaches out to put it on. Cut

Octavia sits on the floor of the forest. She slowly looks up, CS-LA, her mouth dropping open as she stands up, the camera spiraling around her, shifting into a CS-EL until she's done. She smiles. Cut to WS-EL, second song starts (cell-calpurnia), Octavia strolls out of the clearing through the forest (note the new clothes.)

(insert general having fun in the forest scenes, including her balancing on something.)

THE CHASE

Crack. The music stops. She freezes as the sound of plodding footsteps fills the air. Without looking back, almost like a knee-jerk reaction, she starts running. Camera shifts to POV shot of her feet, same as the dream.

OCTAVIA

Why am I running?

Foot trips, the ring falls off (flash of gold)

Octavia falls out of her bed in our reality and sits there panting, staring at the ring on her bed. Slow focus pull back to the ring. Beat. Octavia reaches forward and picks up the ring, slipping it on, it fits her this time.

THE FINAL MOMENT

Octavia is back in the first clearing, the crown sitting in front of her again, LS-LA. This time she walks to its determinedly and puts it on, CS-El from behind of her putting it on. Footsteps start again and she whirls around, first scared, the smiling wide, still CS-EL. Black.

END.